ganymede on loan at 12:52 PM

it's going to be 83 degrees today. 83!!! that's only 7 degrees away from 90!!! and 90 degrees is only 10 degrees away from 100 degrees, so it's basically gonna be 100 degrees today.....100 degrees the day after christmas......stinking, hot, hell hole. at least yesterday there were cookies and presents to keep your mind off of the fact that even the birds were walking around with wet washcloths on their foreheads. i suppose i put up with the heat because of things like this morning. i went to the store and as i was walking in a guy held the door open for me and when i thanked him he said "yes, ma'am" and tipped his cowboy hat at me. where else but texas would that happen? i've lived on both the west and east coasts and i can assure you nothing like that ever happened there. in california you're lucky if the cashier doesn't give you a nasty look when you go to pay for your m&m's because you're interrupting her phone call. there is such a thing as too nice though....there's this one woman at a gas station i go to often and the woman at the cash register always calls me "baby".....she's plump, has hair like clark gable and smells like moth-balls...every time she calls me baby i feel a little violated. there's also a guy at another store i go to that always gives me free coffee....i suppose i should tell him he's barking up the wrong tree but hey free coffee is free coffee....

my batty old aunt thought there were two moons out yesterday. she was too busy yapping to notice that the road curved and when she looked out of the window of the car she saw the moon on the other side of the window and actually said "look! the moon moved! it was over by the h-e-b and now it's on this side! or is there two moons? maybe there's two moons tonight." yes, tía, the governor ordered two moons today because it's christmas but we'll have to return it to jupiter tomorrow because it's a little expensive to rent a moon. .......if i had told her that, she would have bought it, but i was too busy trying to recite the preamble to the constitution in my head to drown out her and my mom arguing about who is fatter than who.

it's a dead dog kind of christmas at 2:04 AM

jeez christmas sucked this year.

1. i didn't get to see my brother because he's all born-again and stuff.
2. i had to pick up my mom to take her to my brothers and as usual she wanted to be picked up 4 hours before the party started.
3. my mom decides she just has to go to the grocery store on christmas eve in the bad part of town to get some crap she could have bought at the convenience store so i have to sit in the parking lot for 40 minutes.
4. i missed the rudolph the red-nosed reindeer special.
5. it was near 80 degrees.
6. i only had 3 hours of sleep.
7. my cousins daughter was drinking a margarita tonight which means she's over 21 which means i'm old because i used to baby-sit her.
8. no menudo.
9. my finger is broke.
10. i saw a dead dog on the road.

hope everyone else had a wonderful cold-healthy-fingered-restful-dead-dogless christmas!!!!!

i'm not too miffed, new years is coming up, new years is the "get sloppy drunk holiday" that's when i shine.

organic shmorganic at 8:24 AM

i broke my finger this weekend. well, it's not like broken off, i still have it, and it's not really broken-broken, just has a little teeny fracture in it but i'm gonna milk it for all it's worth. i may resort to using crutches. and just randomly asking for sponge baths. who knows, someone might take the bait..... i blame it all on my friend edna. "let's go rollerblading" she says. "it'll be fun" she says......yeah, yeah, it's all fun and games until someone breaks a hip. and i'm not entirely sure i didn't break my hip. or cracked my pelvis. and i need my pelvis, know what i'm sayin'? *groucho marx eyebrow wiggle* i hadn't skated since i was ten and that was with the more stable old-school 4-corner wheeled skates and even then my primary braking system was to grab on to someone and if i was going too fast then aiming for someone and taking them down with me so they could break my fall..... so 5 minutes. 5 minutes is all it took for me to make a complete ass of myself. i rollerbladed. i fell. i got up. i rollerbladed. i fell. done. i only needed five minutes of that to remember i'm old and brittle and that our time would be much better spent at the bar guzzling margaritas. it's the natural order of things. we're mexican, we don't rollerblade, we drink. so we drank. .....where we watched some woman try to throw a drink in a guys face but it was a frozen margarita so it just sorta plopped on the table. GIN AND TONIC LADY!! gin and tonic is the way to go if you wanna throw a drink in someone's face!

organic shmorganic, all i want to know is can i eat the whole box and not gain weight? come up with that nabisco. who cares about organic flour???? organic fat looks just the same as .....um, well, the-opposite-of-organic fat.