it's meme time at 4:38 AM

meme:

01. My uncle once: pee'd in my other uncles shed because he was drunk and thought it was an outhouse.
02. Never in my life: will i swim in the ocean.
03. When I was five: i kissed a girl for the first time.
04. High school was: me sitting at a lunch table by myself because no one wanted to catch the lesbian disease.
05. I will never forget: that when i finally had a real kiss with a girl for the first time i was like: meh.
06. Once I met: that guy from the breakfast club...the teacher dude. they were filming johnny be good at our high school. and my slutty friend slept with that dorky blond guy....um anthony somethingorother.
07. There’s this girl I know: who doesn't like her personal business splattered all over the internet so i'm not gonna tell you what i know about her.
08. Once, at a bar: i had to use the mens bathroom and it was a gay bar so man bits were flying around everywhere. i've learned my lesson.
09. By noon, I’m usually: drinking my 4th cup of coffee and starting to feel jittery.
10. Last night: at a bar some woman who looks like she normally goes around wearing a tool-belt came up to me and said "hey, what are you doin' talkin' to my chick?" really? talkin' to your chick? lord.
11. If only I had: tilda swintons phone number.
12. Next time I go to church: i will be in a box. and wearing a frilly nightgown i'm sure.
13. What worries me most: is that i will somehow be forced to swim in the ocean. or a cockroach will fall out of the sky and land on my head.
14. When I turn my head left I see: denise.
15. When I turn my head right I see: a banana peel that denise has left on the table.
16. You know I’m lying when: i add way too many details in my answers.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: silver highlighter markers.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: juliet, but i'd be after desdemona. romeo was obviously in love with mercutio anyway.
19. I have a hard time understanding: why people don't use the amazing minds we've been given to judge whether a person should be hated or not and instead let some book written thousands of years ago do it for them.
20. If I ever go back to school: i will seduce a teacher.